Vanessa Pinney’s Blog

January 13, 2009

Meanings of the verb to know

Filed under: Uncategorized — vanessapinney @ 11:33 pm
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Is there a place one can really call home? Is there a place you ever get to know completely, in its hidden angles and shadows? Even a person, how can you say you really know someone? What’s the boundary between knowing and not knowing? Is it when you see that person waking up in his worst face? Is when you can predict in advance what he is going to do ? Is it when you can tell his meanest thoughts? Do I know Paul Hampel then? I don’t think I do. But I met this guy Mark, who works for him. I was fascinated by him, and after a few minutes he made me feel as if I’d known him forever.

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January 12, 2009

numbers

Filed under: Uncategorized — vanessapinney @ 10:33 pm
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Back in Berlin, everything went back to normality, if something like normality exists. I’d say no, today the place where you are, the people you see and the things you do are not important. Quantity is the only thing that matters. And, as to numbers, I can say I have done quite well recently: 2 jobs at the same time,  6 articles a day, uncountable social relationships, few meals (but every single dinner out this week), and a good number of satisfying nights…one in particular. (As I had sensed, I wasn’t able to resist him. I wasn’t cautious  even for a second; Mark just made me forget about all that crap).

November 19, 2008

On the run

Filed under: Uncategorized — vanessapinney @ 7:08 pm
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I’m on the run most of the time.
I slept four hours last night.
Going to my mother’s house for the night was a big mistake; the old nightmares came
back to get me.
Paul Hampel, the businessman I am following popped up in my dreams while I was
sleeping and started talking in my father’s accent, telling me I had to take care of my
mother.
Get out of my head, all of you! You belong to two different worlds. I can’t contaminate such
a charming person as Paul with my parents’ world.
When I woke up and saw the scraped ceiling above my head, I had a hard time breathing.

November 2, 2008

sick homing

Filed under: Uncategorized — vanessapinney @ 3:51 am
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Back home. (if you are brave enough to call the gloomy suburbs of Ottawa “home”).
Don’t really know what I was expecting.

Brian Steiger, I miss you! I’m thinking to you…

Everything’s shitty here.
Can’t wait to go back to civilization.
I shouldn’t have accepted this job in Canada. It’s only for two
weeks and I’ve been here for 2 days but it feels like ages, already.
Every time I get out of the air-conditioned office at the newspaper
I start smelling the stink of home and I have to kick the stinky
memories back in their closet.
Which, as I swore 12 years ago, was going to be sealed forever.

October 19, 2008

i don’t care about truth.

Filed under: Uncategorized — vanessapinney @ 11:05 pm
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I don’t care about truth. Whenever I need to, I lie, sometimes only to avoid offending people. I am not
mean, who would call me that? I am just my mother’s daughter, I am a product of my milieu, my time.

No shame, no gratitude, no love. When I got to that point, I finally realized I had become an adult.

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